When your relationship feels challenged, it's natural to question the viability of what you once thought was unbreakable. Being able to move from confusion to clarity is often fraught with uncertainty, self-doubt, and a longing for answers. If you find yourself navigating any of this in your relationship, you're not alone.
During this period, you're likely to encounter common signs and symptoms associated with your uncertainty. Let's explore this further and identify ways to navigate them with grace and understanding.
Catastrophising: When faced with difficulties, our minds tend to leap to the worst-case scenario. Every setback, no matter how minor, can feel like the end of the road. It's as if we've lost sight of the bigger picture, clouded by fear and uncertainty. In this state, salvaging the relationship may seem impossible, but it's important to remember that emotions can distort reality. In most situations the worst case isn't just around the corner, there are often a myriad of possibilities that can unfold. Your tendency to leap the absolutely worst possible outcome is a way of protection. It's a way of gaining control. A simple technique to counter this is to pause, take a break, accept your current situation and consider "what else might happen".
Self-Doubt: During relationship turmoil, it's easy to turn the spotlight inward, questioning your own worthiness and capability. Wonder if you're deserving of love, if we have what it takes to make things work. The burden of past mistakes can weigh heavily on your shoulders, leading to a cycle of self-blame and doubt. Yet, it's crucial to recognise that relationships are a shared responsibility, and both partners play a role in shaping its trajectory.
Exhaustion: The relentless cycle of doubt and uncertainty can leave you feeling emotionally drained and physically exhausted. You may find yourself grappling with sleepless nights and endless internal dialogue, searching for answers that seem evasive and impossible to locate. It's in these moments of exhaustion that the temptation to give up becomes the strongest.
Fear of Change: Change is inevitable, yet it's often met with resistance and fear. The prospect of stepping into the unknown can be paralysing, causing you to cling to familiarity even when it's an uncomfortable place to be. You may fear the upheaval that comes with letting go, preferring the comfort of the familiar, however stagnant it may be. The fear of change isn't reserved only for a leave scenario, it's prevalent when faced with the options of addressing issues in your relationship too. You may have a fear of upsetting the apple cart and making what feels like a bad situation, worse.
Worry About Losing Something Special: Deep down, you most likely recognise the uniqueness of your connection and the love that binds you together with your partner. Despite the challenges, there's a part of you that might be unwilling to let go, fearing the loss of something precious. We long for the moments of bliss and connection, wishing we could find a way to sustain them amidst the chaos. You most likely aren't ready to give up, there's still a small spark and you might still have curiosity to know how you can turn things around.
Before reaching any conclusions about you're relationship readiness, I'd consider what if any of the factors outlined above are manifesting in your relationship. It's almost impossible to take an objective view if you have some or all of those playing out in your relationship. Your deep emotional investment in the relationship can also cloud your ability to see things objectively. What's more, the fear of rocking the boat or causing further harm may lead you to suppress your doubts and soldier on, even when every fiber of your being is screaming for resolution.
In the face of such overwhelming uncertainty, it's no wonder that many choose to remain stuck in a state of inertia, unable to take decisive action. The path forward may seem scary, and without a light to lead the way. If you feel ready, the first step is to share with your partner how you've been feeling.
Acknowledging these barriers, you can begin to understand why it's so challenging to address relationship uncertainties on your own. If this is the case for you, it might be easier to explore this with a professional. If you choose to seek help, it's important to remember this is not a sign of weakness but rather a courageous step towards healing and growth.
Conclusion
Facing the complexities of a strained relationship is not easy. Finding a way to make things feel better can seem even harder. Taking the first step is the hardest, but it will be worth the effort. Acknowledging your uncertainties and fears will pave the way for healing and growth. No relationship is beyond repair if both parties are willing to put in the effort and commitment. You can rewrite the narrative of your relationships, one step at a time.
To follow a guided approach you take part in the relationship reset either with or without your partner. You don't necessarily have to do this together to effect change. The Relationship Reset is a 12 week self study course that provides you will all the know-how and practical tools you need to overcome the ten most common relationships challenges, including communication, conflict resolution and intimacy. Take the first step and sign up today here.
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Whether you're in a the honeymoon phase, battling through a rough patch, or dreaming of a fresh start, Geordie Lass & Doc Sass are here to hold your hand (virtually, of course!). We've got the tools, tips, and sassy spirit to help you reignite the spark and build a relationship to last. Join us each episode for raw, relatable conversations about love, life, and all the messy-beautiful bits in between. Listen today here.
P.S. Curious about your emotional awareness levels? Take our Self-Awareness Test and unlock the secrets to deeper connections with yourself and your partner.